just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
