Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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