what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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