On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
