I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize