I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
