It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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