My sheets look like a crime scene.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
