Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize