So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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