so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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