sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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