At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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