my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
