All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
