Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
