i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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