eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
