Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
