If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
