Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
