I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
