is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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