did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
