Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
