you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize