____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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