and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
