i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
