just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
