No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize
