Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
