Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
