Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
