In America we eat man semen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
