; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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