You made me cry and you don't even care
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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