Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
