I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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