There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
