Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
