I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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