Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
