one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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