Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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