if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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