Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
