I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
