I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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