i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
