Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
