I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
