I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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