i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize