Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
