Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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