Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
