dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
