No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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