Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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