YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
