Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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