i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
