marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
