That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
