I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
