I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
