remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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