So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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