Where is the hickey?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
