so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
