Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
