dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
