jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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