so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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