what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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