would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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