I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
