Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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