SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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