A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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