I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
