I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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